Risky behaviors, no do overs, crisis, frenzy, needing to act, a heaviness, aching, energized by fear & love - as I look back, these are some of the words that stand out in my journal entries from three years ago. I can still feel the emotion in my throat and my heart. My last sentence on the very first entry is this, “As I turned to the last page of this journal, it is blank. It suddenly hit me that I don’t know what will be written on it and that scares me.”
Blind Trust - this is what I suggest parents have once their loved one is at Renaissance. The staff cares deeply and will do everything in their power to help. They are brilliant and adept at taking things apart and putting them back together again... in a different way. A way that you never knew existed. And, then you get to choose if you want to continue the work. Do you want to be a better you? Do you want healthier family dynamics? Do you want to take care of yourself?
The last page of my journal is still blank but I don’t feel as scared. Of course, there will continue to be the “what ifs” but we now have tools, open communication, excitement about the future, and a healthy family. We have a solid support system of incredible Renaissance parents and the Renaissance staff, when needed. So, I will continue to focus more on our quality family time, being mindful about my actions and reactions, and I’ll keep my Caron Renaissance toolbox at my side. I’ve decided not to worry so much about that last page.